Posted on April 11, 2015
I am beyond tired this week. Lady, never a great sleeper, has been very wakeful for the last 5 nights. Al and I are terminally cranky and intolerant of each other (Al deals with Boodi, and Boodi is, and has always been a terrible sleeper, who would be much happier in bed snuggled up to a parent). I know that this will all pass, someday, somehow, and I strive to be on top of the fact that our problems are actually small. I am editing a manuscript for someone at the moment, and the journey that they have travelled keeps my self pity mostly in check.
I was thinking today about how things seem too hard to bother with. I wasn’t going to write a blog post, too hard, too tired, but if not now, then when? Writing is what keeps me strong.
I started writing a story last year, but life got in the way, even though it was almost writing itself. I was so fascinated by the way that the characters unravelled themselves as I wrote, and what began as a fairly one dimensional storyline developed into several. Minor characters insisted on a larger role, their own stories were insistent about existing. It was magic. Then I got too tired, a bit like I am now. I would read over my story and think that I was too aloof, as if I wrote my characters as though viewed from on a plane high above. It was too hard. I stopped.
Editing this other manuscript for someone else made me take out my story from its file. It was still magical to me, still full of a thousand possibilities. I thought, no, I have to compose blog posts, and I am doing my (wonderful) Blog with Pip course, and about to begin the online Swinburne course on Autism for parents and carers. My mind crowds with all of the “stuff” that I have to do, looking after 2 children, cooking and cleaning and somehow being a wife.
I just have to find a way. The story is nothing if not written. Life is nothing if not lived. You just have to get on with it, push through and do it. Right?
How do you find a way? What are you writing?
Linking up for the weekend rewind with Maxabella
Sunshine image sourced from jackie.carr.com